Missing Person Bulletin !

The J.U.F.C. Board believe that it is about time to release a piece of terrible news to our ardent Fans/Members/Naysayers. Ansel, a member of our once illustrious Club, is Missing. (Now now, Please save your panic till the end of the entry). Our Pacy-tricksy Hobbit Winger, has not been seen for over 218 Days (including Public Holidays), and we would like to engage the public's help in finding him.

He was last seen, well, the reports differ here. Some seem to have spotted him at Club Rouge mid October, While some reports, have claimed that he was sighted as recently as November 8th. None Of these accounts, sadly, can be verified. The BOARD is atleast sure that we brought him back with the rest of the Team from Bintan.

Ansel was last seen wearing something, that sadly, i cannot recollect. (Due to the fact that it was a long time ago, and BT's parents have brought back many bottles since then). We can be sure that he was either wearing a blue polo, a striped polo, or some collared polo. And we DO know for sure, that he was wearing glasses.

Foul play, is not suspected; but is definitely not ruled out. Some photographic evidence taken from a thailand scouting trip, indicate that a certain member in our ranks, could have a vested interest in Ansel, that might extend beyond the pitch. However, nothing conclusive has been concluded from our extensive Investigations.

The JUFC Board, would like to plead from the many bottoms of our collective hearts with the public, to come forward with Any information, no matter how trivial, that pertains to the whereabouts, or howabouts of our Beloved Winger Ansel. You can call us Toll Free at 96388725.

blog dying..

some humour since there's nothing much to post abt.. well maybe except the ever-increasing bottle count lol

Ole Ole Ole Ole!

"I think I can say that I have given my all, given everything I could as a player to Manchester United. I’m proud to have been a part of this fantastic club, and played under such a brilliant manager. I’ve also played alongside some great players and made some great friends here. I’ve had some fantastic experiences that are too numerous to just list here and now. Most of all, the fans have been magnificent." - Ole Gunnar Solskjaer



Yesterday, A United Legend Hung his Boots after a Spectacular Career, Scoring 126 goals, and THE goal in Barcelona '99 that will be remembered Forever. The ever reliable Norwegian Talisman has come off the bench on more than 1 occasion to slot home a crucial goal for Our beloved United. Albeit, his knee problem has tainted his last few Seasons, Ole Gunnar Solskjaer will Always be a United Legend.

Pls note: Due to the extremely biased nature of JUFC, the priviledge of Team information and clips is limited only to Manchester United. IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED! Thank you.

Nani Rescues United

The Commentator sums it up best.

What a Goal From Nani!!!

Glory Glory Man United!

SHOCKING BREAKING NEWS!

Hi all, Just decided to drop in and let everyone know the disturbing news for the majority of us, (but happy news for characters with a Star in their name). Mr Jai has officially fully stepped out of the closet. I don't know if i wanna congratulate him, but i definitely have to say i'm not surprised.


A Credible source reports to JUFC, that another member, whose sexuality has long remained questionable, might be following in the brave Pioneering footsteps of Mr Jai. The Board urges members of JUFC to not ostracise our misplaced brethren, and to support their inevitable unholy matrimony. (Although all members are required to maintain a 2m safety distance)


Also, The Health & Wellness branch of JUFC encourages members to eat less this week, to stem any cases of Regurgitating that might spring from the shocking nature of these developments, Health/Maritime Officer Ambrose particularly recommends staying away from Hokkien Mee.

Spider pig

hahahahahahahahahahah

Team Talk: 29th June

Hi one all! Fans and members, and Fans who are also members. With the next match Coming up this sunday, its time to awake the Lions within as our resident malingerer YNWA oft serves to remind us when he makes his monthly appearence at the JUFC Training Ground.





Venue: Pei Hwa Sec, 21 Fernvale link.


Warm-up: 8.40am


Kick off: 9am





Bring your boots, extra pair of lungs, and Shin guards. Will be appointing a 100 plus ic closer to the date. Although half of us will be home and the other half will be away, we'll all be wearing our Blue and Yellow JUFC colours. PLEASE GET YELLOW SOCKS! NICKY CAN HELP WITH THOSE, there's a FBT warehouse near his house and he'll be mass buying, those interested pls sms Gazza.





As For the Line-up,




Subs: Gan, A*din, Ambrose

FOOOTBALL TIME!!

Semi-Finalists !

Hi everybody ants here ! yes the news of the day for the day during the day is that JUFC are proud semifinalists of another tournament yet again. naysayers may sayers that there were only 8 teams, that we only played two matches, that the first team were a bunch of noobzors and that being semifinalists in an 8 team tournament isn't much to brag about. i say to the naysayers YOU WAKE UP AT 7.30am LA ! YOU GO SPLASH AROUND IN THE FOUL MUD LA ! YOU SEE KAIYUN'S BARE ASS WHILE STANDING IN THE SCORCHING SUN LA !

so you see, bragging rights to being semi finalists weren't won on the field, it was won... you know... because of the sacrifices we made to get to the field. hahaha..

special mention goes to yanwei, current jufc first choice keeper, possible future china national team first choice keeper... he owned them all with his saves lar, but he also chose the wrong moment to demonstrate his shadowkick hahaha..

sigh. still. we can only imagine what could have happened if adin had converted his goal. the glory, fame, honour that awaited he-who-saved-the-penalty-and-then-go-on-to-convert-the-winning-penalty. alas it was not to be. as we walked to shake the hand of our brave goalkeeper we all felt in our hearts the inexplicable pang of desire. of desire to ask him why his shot was so blah.. for he could have been the hero whose name would be engraved all over the cup, whose surname would be adopted by many illegitimate ones as groupies copulate with him hoping for an offspring half as talented as someone who can save a penalty as well as score one. the messiah who could have delivered us from the illogical delusion of religion, for surely to worship something real is much better than to worship something intangible? the hand of god may have scored one goal in the world cup, but the hand n feet of yanwei could have scored and saved a goal in the kebun baru ang mo kio cup! he could even have been the one who would inspire others to write about him, thus increasing the paltry population of 2 editors on this blog !!!!! sadly it is or was not to be..

ok end of post..

Tournament News: When it matters the Most...

The wee hours of sunday morning saw a new Shade of yellow take to the field. (actually only shade of yellow since the sun was no where to be seen... And also, it wasn't really a field, more like a marshland.) JUFC sent a team for its first intra-con competition. Gazza, Ants, BT, Klementi Kannan, CKY, Andrewano and A*din, donned the Blue and Yellow of JUFC and took to the water logged field in a knock-out tournament.

It is notable to note, that CKY, was firstly inexplicably late, busy fraternising in some ulu longkang near chua chu kang, and ran barefoot around bishan park trying to find andrew to pay for his cab fare. Also, much to the disgust of the JUFC members, he had apparently forgotten to wear his key undergarment, and flashed the unsuspecting public with his butt cheeks, and untamed shortgun(pronounced *shot-gun). 3 old ladys were found dead in the shrubbery behind the bench where CKY commited this act. On questioning, CKY claimed to have forgotten to wear said undergarment, but the keen intellect of the assembled JUFC members noted he remembered to wear a nice long sleeve shirt out.

The first match saw our star Klementi kannan, paving the way to the semi finals, with dribbles, jiggles and wiggles. Scoring a deplorable hat-trick against a team of runts ineptly named The Kings. A resounding performance, that saw A*din rack up a typical 0% contact of ball.

The semi-final was hard fought however. Although JUFC was dominant, Klementi kannan with some goal breaking shots, Gazza with mud-slinging tackles, and BT going under-water a few times, the pitch took its toll on the team. It happily Devoured CKY's boots, and Embedded Ants and the ball in the sloshy mud, and overall offered a bathe to all members on the field. The match ended in a stale mate, and went to penalties.

The Man of the Hour, Klementi Kannan, strode confidently to fire home the first penalty. But Alas, the goal was covered by a Sumo wrestler, and Klementi Kannan, blasted the ball into the atmosphere. Rumour has it a deejay who kept repeating his lines in the crowd behind suffered a concussion at approximately the same time. And the Just like Baggio in the '94 World Cup, Klementi Kannan's glorious contribution, was belittled.

***sources say that due to insurmountable grief, Klementi kannan, has become a dejected drunk, and was spotted entering a plastic surgery clinic, presumably to remove the 6th toe that has served him so well over the years. The accuracy of the source is sort-of accurate somewhat. **

However, A*din, dug deep in that unnamed place once again, to produce an astonishing save, and kept JUFC in the running. Gazza was also foiled by the sumo wrestler, before CKY slotted home, and BT did what he did best, with a thunderous lightning shot, that tore a hole thru the net of the goal post.

A*din once again, conjured another magical save in sudden death, and stepped up gloves and all, to take the deciding penalty to send the team into the final. But as the shot trickled to sumo wrestler, it became apparent that we should have slept the rainy morning away.

So in typical Jolly fashion, the players packed up, ate a ton of Cocaine wings, and knocked 6 bottles of beer off the wall, to celebrate their second semi final exit on penalties, in as many tournaments. Cheers to all!

Best News of the Day!

Richardson departs Old Trafford for Sunderland

England midfielder Kieran Richardson has completed his move from Manchester United to Sunderland for an undisclosed fee. The 22-year-old signed a four-year deal with the Wearsiders after successfully coming through a medical this morning.He could now make his Black Cats debut in Wednesday's friendly with Darlington.

=================================

J.U.F.C. Would like to breathe a HUGE sigh of relief, and thank the United Gaffer for finally giving that useless goal-stealing-yellow-card-collecting turd the boot. That leaves O'Shits, we shall continue to keep our fingers crossed!

Delayed Update

Updates have been loooong delayed. So firstly, lets kick off with our FIRST kick off.

JUFC's first organised friendly ended in a Goal-less draw. Definitely could have been better. Dominated much of the game. SOlid defensive performance in the first half. JUFC was thrown into a mild crisis, as our keeper suddenly, injured his hand in the warm up.

But our resident Superstar, A*Din, stepped up to the plate, to don the Keepers colours. Scared the shit out of all the players, totally missing MANY/ALL of the shots, that were aimed at him in the warm-up. However, after a few shakey opening minutes, the back four comprising of Andrewano, Justin, Gopal and Gazza, started to collect the loose balls, and shut out the attacks of the opposition.

This made our A*din, very bored, so he started to do funny things like putting the ball on the ground and running away, and throwing it aimlessly, and scaring gazza into some frantic running.

In the 2nd half our midfield maestros, crafted several oppurtunities, one ending notably with Ants hitting the upright. Our Clementi Kannan, shone proudly in his Manchester United colours, with some laser passes, and thunderous shots, while JUFC's homegrown winger, Ants terrorised the right flank with his blinding pace.

JUFC missed several chances, and would have even gone behind, when the opposition got their only shot on target. But A*din, dug deeeep deeep inside his ______(the editor doesn't know what). And, came up with a spectacular reflex save to keep the scoreline level.

Overall, a Jolly good Performance from the Jollies. A collection of criticisms:

1. Run towards the ball. (Stikers and all who run into the Penalty box)
2. Cut Down on dribbling.
3. Don't commit too fast into tackles.
4. PLAY TO YOUR POSITIONS!
5. Open up abit more, Not our usual street soccer style.
6. SMASH ALL THE PEOPLE UP!

All comments, to improve our game is welcome.
Next match is on 30 June, at 9am. Venue TBC.
..........................................................................

Team Talk

Good Day folks. Sunday is our debut match, and despite our emphatic win last sunday, The Board feels that we should keep our focus and register another victory under our banner before we bust out any champagne.



*Please note however, that the board feels its ok to bust out some JD on friday night.



The match will be played in the Tanglin field (directions to follow). All Players are to wear a White T-Shirt/Jersey. Bring your Boots, (Adin Don't spoil your new boots before then), Shin guards are also highly recommended, as you can tell from some crunching tackles from last week's match. The Match will have rolling subs, so players can go out and come back in! (Thank God)



The Players Drafted/Formation is as follows,









Subs:

Nick
Ambrose
Ong
Chan
Gan
Gerard (Hopefully)
=======================================

Friendly Match Report

Final Score -About 5 or 6 -1

MOM (Mask of Madness) - Chester Rowe Tan Yanwei ! He smashed all the people up and scored two goals in his spiffing new Ronaldinho boots

Match Report

Jollies made an encouraging start when Chester Rowe!'s SuperPippo like front running yielded two fantastically taken goals with assists from Ants, who was supremely impressed with Chester's ownage performance leading the frontline. Chester chased down every ball relentless as a blood hound and more than once the flashes of ninja-running style acceleration was glimpsed by members of the press. Still very very, very very fun to watch..haha. To be fair the other team paid very little attention to their defence and their passing was good, at first. Until our defence imposed themselves on the game with Nick Ambrose Ganesh and Andriano smashing all the people up at the back and Chan trying to see if he could kick the ball to the temple up that hill playing the funny music. Our defence was impregnable....the opposition couldn't impregnate our goal no matter how hard they tried. HAHAHAHAHAHA. BT then scored the third and along with it Chester's chance for a hat trick. Still our defence put in a monster performance defending (at tower) and taking no chances, Nick especially spidery and commanding at the back.


Half time came and went and Ants switched over to the left to forge a new partnership with Andriano. Capsize time ! was the codeword for the play of the day by the two left sided players, and though it was never used, rest assured one day it will be. Noone knows what I'm talking about right ? Nvm, me and Andriano were not sure too. The second half continued with more thrills and spills. Ongster's performance up front was awesome with some magic runs stopped by bone chilling tackles. I donno who else scored, and I guess I could write my own version of history and say Chester went on to get his hat trick. I could but I won't ! Chester missed about 5 open chances including one that I burst my lung to run and cross but that bird sent a flying header nowhere near the goal...sibeh sian.. All in all the ownage hero of the day was Adin with a killing spree of 2 goals and an added move speed of +100 with his new boots. Let's hope for JUFC's sake that the new boots last longer than his China endorsed shoes *cough* flip flops *coughs* peeling piece of crap *cough*

In summary, I still play too much dota but at least I've got a job !! And to use the exact words of Ambrose, "this calls for a toast." Ambrose say one.. so tonight anyone on for a toast ??

next destination: bali?!

Bali!

Who's on for end July/ early August?!

Training Update

Training session report - Sunday May 20th Bishan Park Somewhere

Player performances appraisal (some)

Ambrose (9) - A commanding performance from the commando. He completely owned Adin when as last man he let a ball slip through his legs and through to Adin. Clear on goal about a metre out, Adin casually walked the ball in its inevitable path towards our spanking new goalposts when Ambrose crept up from behind and OWNED Adin with a tackle barely millimetres away from the goal line to deny the striker his undeserved goal. Determination 1 Complacency 0. He also kneed me in the left thigh really really really hard..koopeng..

Ganesh (9) - Bruising fiery performance from the chief decoy in Barca colours. Roy Keane like tackles and fiery flying flicks and flacks. Almost scored the goal of the season with a diving header that almost hit the crossbar. Top marks for setting up the goalposts aided by two able assistants Gan and Ants. For goalpost-erection services enquire by email. Almost took off my legs with some monster clearances. Ownage hero.

Adin (10) - Returning back from his native land did him a world of good. Showed his versatility, and maybe too much of it when he excelled in his keeper position, even more so than as a striker. Highlights included a stunning double triple or quadruple save early on in the session. Was unbeatable in goal and also owned the game when he came out. Still, he may have found his true calling as an inundefatistoppfeatigable player. It's a word look it up in the dictionary it will say "Adin"

Justin(9) - A late gamer having spent the earlier part of the session goal tending he was all over the pitch owning people left right and centre. Ownage hero..

THE REST(9) - Everyone owned the game. I play too much dota and I need to find a job soon.

Next week..same time same place!

Training Camp Report

The last few weeks have been rather busy for JUFC. Lots of football, team bonding and the highlight of the month was an overseas training trip to the Sunny island of bintan.

As depicted in the preceding photos. A selection of 10 JUFC members made the arduous journey aboard Indera Bupala to the JUFC satelite training grounds in Bintan. Participating players endured a gruelling 48hrs of training that left them spent, exhausted and burnt by the time they returned to singapore.

Some of the training activities enjoyed by the members on this retreat were:

Extensive Nocturnal Liver Training - Courtesy of DFS Tanah Merah Ferry Terminal

Capsize Drills (Relevance still TBD) - Ambrose and Gan earned Special merits for their exemplary performance

Saltwater Lung Treatment - An invigorating and rejuvenating Session, tailor-made for Andrew

Reflexes Training - We Extend our thanks to the Million crabs who offered their support

Tactical Water Muscle Toning - Also Known as water polo in some Ancient Cultures

Agility Training - Footage of this segment can be Seen below

Tackle riding - This exercise was aimed at Ansel; the bane of defenders. However, the coaching staff concludes that back-flipping is not one of his stronger Fortes.

And needless to say, there was lots and lots free flowing beach football. With A*din consistently giving outstanding performances, cutting out passes and creating plays, all with minimal dancing and confusion. The native's return to the familiar sun, sea, and air of his birthplace seemed to bring out the best in our Star of Stars.

All in all, the adminstrators of JUFC believe it was a fruitful training camp, and the Board has decided to organise more such expeditions in the Future. Also, Negotiations are also underway for the adoption of the "Nirwana Lake Komodo Dragons" as official Club Mascots.

To all our Members, have a Good a Monday.

bintan dreaming

Imagine ...

The sizzling sun burns the skin on the back of your neck as you step out onto the porch. You close the sliding door, blocking out the (sweet) trance music playing from inside. Beads of perspiration start to form on your forehead barely ten seconds after you'd just stepped out of your fully air-conditioned private villa. You wince at the brightness of the day and cover your eyes, squinting out to the sight before you. The villa is located right at the beachfront, and in front of you is an expanse of sandy beach and green blue sea. The nearest villa occupied by other people is a good few hundred metres down, so this part of the beach is all yours. The glistening sand kicks up powdery sprays as a game of beach football soon starts. Frosty beers sit expectantly in an ice box, waiting to be opened after the game.

Pretty soon, everyone is tired out. The chiller is opened and the beers are passed around. You sit along the circle of sweaty, sand covered bodies gulping down the ice cold (dirt cheap) beers, knowing another slab still awaits you back in the fridge of the villa. You sit around discussing the choice of mixers for the debauchery that is tonight. With the beers and talk finished, you get up, throw the empty bottles into a thrash bag for environmental-friendly purposes, and race with your friends to the water.

The turqoise waves shimmer invitingly as you dive headfirst into the warm water, instantly refreshing and invigorating. Snorkels are thrown out by someone from the villa as you grab one, and try to spot the different kinds of fish that place is home to. As you get more and more engrossed in the flora and fauna of the sea, you venture slightly further out. A rainbow fish, irridescent in the sun's rays, playfully swishes its tail as you swim after it. Clownfish flit in and around sea anemones as you sweep your hand across looking for the mischievious little fish. You start to imagine yourself as a deep sea explorer, discovering the mysteries the plentiful ocean holds, as you swim further and further away. The temperature of the water starts to get cooler, and things start to look darker.

The rainbow fish soon swims out of sight, bored by your trivial pursuit. You tread water, clear your foggy mask and look back at how far you've swum. Good lord ! The villa looks tiny from where you are. Your friends are shouting and gesturing at you, no doubt, for a rematch of the previous beach football game. One of your friends even looks like he's pleading with you, hands held palm together in a pleading manner, as if to say 'Please come and play we need one more!'. You can barely make out the words "stuck" ? Or "suck ?". "Well,you suck too" , you think to yourself. Years of watching stupid sea movies finally pay off when you realise you friend making the pleading gesture was mimicking a fin, and that the word you thought you heard was actually.."shark". A flash of the tip of the fin gliding into the water ahead of you catches your eye, as you become monumentally aware of the scrapes and cuts from the beach game just now. Cold chills ripple down your spine as you shiver from the dark image coming at you barely a metre away. You close your eyes..


SO.. ANYONE UP FOR TIOMAN/BINTAN THIS HOLIDAY ! as 2nd sg ng buck teo ( thats his name alright) once extolled to me the virtues of signing up with the army, so shall i share with you his words of wisdom, applicable to this holiday too !!! -- "Join army good life ! got the sun, the sand, the sea, what more you want ? fuck you !"

mork and stork and mumued star !!!!!!!

Winter Break

For those of you who haven't Realised it yet, JUFC is experiencing a little lull, due to the imposition of exams. As such, we've decided to have a winter break in the season. Since, we are in a League of own, we can do whatever we want.

But Fans, dun fret, JUFC will resume its sunday trespassing within a week a two. Although, the last match up in an un-named primary school, in an un-named district was riddled with injuries.

Actually only two people. One tried to be gung ho, and was tripped by the moss in the red area, while the other, well, just wanted to have the most spectacular fall award.

In the mean time, as we enjoy this freak Winter Break. We here at JUFC wish all its Legendary members, Good Luck for the Exams.

destress time! magic!

Ferguson: Totti Who?

tgif! some humour !

singapore pirates!?

the new pirates 3 trailer with chow yun fatt is here!

dancing diva number 2!

Statistical Analysis

The Board will firstly like to thank the Manchester United Fans for their Composure. Secondly, the arsenal fan Hiding behind anonymity; should, maybe, well, just consider, straying from www.jokes.com and, maybe, just read a little about the Club they so Staunchly and vehemently support.

They might find this...


=======================================================
Honours:

First Division and Premier League[49] titles: 13
1930-31, 1932-33, 1933-34, 1934-35, 1937-38, 1947-48, 1952-53, 1970-71, 1988-89, 1990-91, 1997-98, 2001-02, 2003-04 .

FA Cups: 10
1929-30, 1935-36, 1949-50, 1970-71, 1978-79, 1992-93, 1997-98, 2001-02, 2002-03, 2004-05
League Cups: 2
1986-87, 1992-93

Charity Shields and Community Shields[50]: 12
1930, 1931, 1933, 1934, 1938, 1948, 1953, 1991 (shared), 1998, 1999, 2002, 2004

Inter-Cities Fairs Cup: 1
1969-70

European Cup Winners' Cup: 1
1993-94

Arsenal's tally of thirteen League Championships is the third highest in English football, after Liverpool and Manchester United, while the total of ten FA Cups is the second highest, after Manchester United. Arsenal have achieved three League and FA Cup "Doubles" (in 1971, 1998 and 2002), a joint record shared with Manchester United, and were the first side in English football to complete the FA Cup and League Cup double in 1993.

Arsenal have one of the best top-flight records in history, having finished below fourteenth only seven times. Arsenal also have the highest average league finishing position for the period 1900–1999, with an average league placing of 8.5.[51] In addition, they are one of only five clubs to have won the FA Cup twice in succession, in 2002 and 2003.

====================================================

Arsenal, sigh, Third best? after Liverpool and Manchester United? Second highest FA Cups? after Manchester United? Hmmm. OOOps... What do you know, they forgot to put in the Number of Champions League Trophies they won. Must be a small oversight.

Oh wait, How silly of me, They don't have any.

PLAYER PROFILE #2

0 MARTIN ? JONATHAN ? ANDREW ?

AGE : 23

ALIAS : Andriano, Martin

POSITION : anywhere on the left. gk when lazy,69

HEIGHT : 175 (fake)

WEIGHT : 70 (maybe fake)

FAV CLUB N PLAYER : Man Utd / Messi

LEAST FAV CLUB N PLAYER : Chelsea / Drogba

FAVORITE FOOD : Teochew Porridge
FAVORITE DRINK : Absolut Raspberry

ENDORSED BY : Umbro

CAP : 10 years' worth

PERSONAL MOTTO : Rhomba jolly
SPECIALITY : Disturbing people, bionic left foot,

In a nutshell, this player has been to JUFC what Ryan Giggs has been to Man Utd, what Recoba has been for Inter, what Pires has been to Arsenal, what Robben has been to Chelsea, and what Kewell has been to Liverpool. HAHA sorry sorry the last one is a lie Kewell sucks and Liverpool do not have any worthy players comparable to this JUFC legend - flinging flanging his way down the wing with some crazy skillz and mad dashes, topped off with monster shots that has seen holes bashed in both the back of the net as well as the palm trees behind the goal. Poor palm trees.. There is no denying that that bionic left foot of his, coupled with a burst of speed quite like a flash of lightning, or a lighter sparkler, makes for a potent combination. His fitness may be equivalent to that of a two year old’s (as are all of ours), but make no mistake – with his eye for goal and enigmatic presence he certainly lives up to the Andriano tag. There have been occasions in the past when his bionic legs have malfunctioned, but like a true legend and Jolly, Andriano carries on, using his hands to move his legs to play the ball. What a hero, what a character. He has also been known to moonlight as a keeper whenever the calling comes or when the going gets tough. Admirable!

Off the field, Andrew's celebrity status has been heightened with several paparazzi reports of him being spotted at Orchard Towers. He has also been caught in several scandals with unknown individuals. These reports, till today, just like ET, Stonehenge, Roswell, Adin being straight, and cows flying, have been unconfirmed. Anyone with any relevant news regarding this superstar may contact the witness-help hotline and rest assured, you will be placed in the witness protection program. Your safety is our number one concern. Ha.

Andriano is also indispensable to JUFC as he volunteers as the club’s unofficial booker of courts and disturber of drinksellers. Fans wanting to get a glimpse of him should keep a lookout for a flash of limbs down the left flank, occasionally a wispy trail of smoke, and the sight of a ball being volleyed at 90000 km/h into the back of the net. Alternatively, when things get too tiring, look for him keeping goal for the team.

Post Match Day..

The 45th minute, of the 8th hour, of the 3rd day, in the 3rd month, of the 2007th yr of our Lord, brought about one of the most anticipated moments of 2007. The clash of the original titans of the English Game.

In the Satelite homeground of Manchester United in AMK, the atmosphere was charged with monumentally sized KFC and Ice Cold Vodka Shots chased down with popcorn chicken as the two teams gathered at A Field grammatically incongruously named Anfield. The attendence included, well, mostly Man U fans, with one Liverfool, and a stray From the Emirates.

The match begin, rather animatedly, under the proctorship of a rather myopic referee, who’s lack of visual competence has been cited as the reason for several brawls that broke out worldwide. 50/50 tackles, were judged on the scale of 60/40, leaning home.

The match reached its boiling point, and the United Bench was riled by the sending off of Paul scholes. A sacrificial culling of the Stray seemed imminent with each passing moment, as Liverpool Pushed further ahead, and seemed a surety as the Game approached a Draw.

However, in moment of sheer Irish luck, the leprechaun housed in John O’ Shea’s unnaturally large Head, rapped the inside of his thick skull, resulting in a Spectacular Last Gasp winning goal that Saw Man United steal a win from right under Liverpool’s Big Nose.

The referee’s watch then suddenly malfunctioned, and a extra minute was played in extra time, yet still with all the help, Liverpool could not come up with an answer. An Answer that has been evading them at home since 2001.

The exhileration of the United Fans, was explosive to say the least. JUFC then adjourned for a Post midnight soccer 4-a-side, which saw 2 spherical dustbins, metamorphose into polygonic manifestations.

However, in true spirit of Singapore 2010, the match-up was forced into abandonment by the arrival of two rather somnolent officers of the law, who wasted no time in collecting our autographs, and other paraphernalia such as handphone serial numbers, no doubt to sell on Ebay for Exhorbitant amounts of money.

A Startling Revelation

The Following is NOT based on fictional characters or events. They are real events, between real people, who have been portrayed real-ly! It is a direct transcript of a conversation that took place between Kannan and Ganesh on March 1st, 2007 at roughly 8.43pm.

DISCLAIMER

----Please be advised, the following may contain information too graphic for the faint of heart. We at JUFC are not responsible for any riots, beatings, and/or invasions of sovereign nations that may be sparked due to the highly controversial, and emotionally charged admission attached below.---

------------------------------------
Kannan says:
sad dei

Kannan says:
sat dun wanna come already1!!!

Kannan says:
boycott

Prolific says:
u boycott us

Prolific says:
dei

Prolific says:
then u'll kenna one board notice too

Kannan says:
haha

Kannan says:
oh now like that la

Prolific says:
yea lah

Kannan says:
tell u a secret dei

Kannan says:
actually

Kannan says:
i am a man u fan

Kannan says:haha

Prolific says:
sure or not?

Kannan says:
haha

Kannan says:
ya!!!

Prolific says:
STEADY LAH!

Kannan says:
haha

Board Notice.

Dear All,

The First Player Profile has been Released, and already 3 deaths by laughter have been reported. The Board is looking into the matter very seriously. The liability arising from A*din aka Adin aka Adeline aka Alin aka Brian Chua Lau Boon Roger’s erratic behaviour has long been a hot potato in the JUFC boardroom, locker room, and the odd Void deck stone table.

After Much deliberation, The Board has decided to slap adin with a hefty slap, and a one-wank-a-day limit, to hopefully stem his detrimental addiction, which has seen him miss many training sessions. The Board regrets that these drastic steps have to be taken, but unanimously voted that harsh punishments are neccesary to ensure that confused individuals do not ultimately harm; well, themselves.

Also, as an incentive, The Board has agreed to allocate one slap for every update, that can be used by the updater to reprimand and/or break a bottle on A’din’s head should he behave inappropriately; which he inevitably will. These slaps are transferable, and discreetly reusable. To facilitate an accurate count of entries and the allocated slaps, The Board requests that all updaters use the label field to label their entries with their names and/or pseudonyms.

Thank you for taking the time to review this Notice Issued by the Board. A more informal formal Board meeting has been called for this coming Saturday, the 3rd day of the 3rd month of the 2007th year of our Lord, Alahbudajesusamman.

The Board (Members TBC)

PLAYER PROFILE 1

10 TAN Adin

AGE : 23
ALIAS : A*din, alladin, ahdin, adelina, amen,
POSITION : influential attacking midfielder cum ninja
HEIGHT : 183
WEIGHT : sensitive topic
FAV CLUB N PLAYER : Man Utd / Rooney
LEAST FAV CLUB N PLAYER : Chelsea / RM
FAVORITE FOOD : (default) KFC
FAVORITE DRINK : Yakult (default) Vodka
ENDORSED BY : China
CAP : 10 years' worth
PERSONAL MOTTO : Live and let live
SPECIALITY : The 'Aeroplane', aerodynamic running, spinning on the spot with the ball, spinning on the spot without the ball



Adin adin adin, what can be said about him ? Actually, alot.. A true legend of Jollies United Football Club. Widely regarded as one of the most skillful players in the world, Straying from traditional tricks like stepovers, nutmegs and oles, Adin has invented many of his own and has been proudly displaying them over the years. Among them is a fan favorite, a thunderous attempted shot with the legs swung far back and hit with such force and purpose, but making minimal if no contact with the ball, allowing for the expectations of a proper shot to surprise opponents into either a) being utterly confused or b) laughing, and the ball to slowly trickle its way through. His repertoire of tricks in recent years have increased - the fans could not quite believe what they saw late September last year as Adin added another dizzying 540 degrees to his signature move - the 720 degree pirouette !

His feet stomping, hand waving and ninja speed antics have also convinced other clubs of his pedigree, and offers from clubs far and wide have poured in in enquiry of this superstar. However the grounded young man has refused them all, citing 'romantic interests with other players' as his reason for staying on. His reputation as a goalscorer has also been enhanced in the season of last year, with many a match Adin has come up with goals aplenty and the knack of being oblivious to players around him rolling around in laughter and going on to tap the ball in, has served him well. The shift to the new Jollies Stadium at Ang Mo Kio has seen the popularity of Adin waning, and his inability to find another brand sponsor for his boots until he goes to China again means that fans can continue to pick up his shoe peelings and make a fortune selling them off on Ebay.

Much can be said about him, but nothing can truly encapsulate the player and the person better than the word 'huh ?' . With the club's popularity waning due to the loss of their original stadium at NIE, noone is better placed to bring the club back to its dizzying heights better than this master performer, and expect many great performances from him this year.

ATTENTION

We at JUFC like to express our sincere apologies to all Manchester United fans out there who have probably felt deep anger and resentment at this website for the defamatory comments made on the commentboard thingy by a certain individual with many names and many nationalities. His views on Manchester United and his love for Chelsea in no way represents the majority of Jollies Football Club shareholders; in fact he is a tiny minority of two people who actually like to watch this corporate money-making conglomerate-subsidiary masquerade as a real football team and boring half the world to sleep everyday and the other half 12 hours later much like how the setting of the sun signals the end of a day and time for slumber, the sight of THAT team playing such disgusting football even after having spent billions of billions can induce catatonia of the severest form and once again we apologise sincerely for any emotional trauma caused. As a token of goodwill we will be including a sign-up form for anyone who wants to join this football club just to beat the crap and break the legs of the individual posting these dumbass comments on the board, however it is with regret that we announce that at the exact time that we are writing this word - word, the list is already full and the waiting list to get on the list has also been filled within seconds of posting it up. thus we have taken both lists down. the waiting list to get on the waiting list is already up and the numbers currently stand at 2300 people so we advise you to get on it fast. Individuals lucky enough to have snapped up the 5000 slots on the main list will be informed as soon as said individual touches down from the land of tea and scones.

Thank you very much. Hi five !

its like this, lidat

I really dunno why i came here or why im writing this....maybe its just part of my OCD or maybe im just too tired to go back to my bunk right now and remove my shoes, then my socks(not to forget garters) and my shirt and my trousers, unlock and open my cupboard and take my shower gel and my shampoo, turn on my hp, check to see if ive got any msgs, realize that i dont, get miffed, curse the world for being so cruel, ask my roommates if they know, "why kids are starving to death in africa for the last 50yrs and yet anna nicoles boobs are todays headlines?" ,reallize im almost naked but i still got my jockey cap on(matches my boxers), laugh about it, make my way to the toilet, turn around come back to the bunk, remove my watch, lock my cupboard, decide to smoke, grab a cigarette, go and smoke, meet some one, chat for another 15mins and in the end.....Its lights-fcuking-out and im still wandering the hallways in my camo green boxers....and i forgot my freaking face-wash!!!!!

after all that its only been 10mins....

love
The JOLLIES

Updates

This is the Jolly with no school, no exams, and come to think of it no real work; with a few updates..

SOCIAL WELFARE
Our dear Resident Contrasexual has relocated his residency to the Outback. Brian Chua Lau Boon Roger, is sorely missing his presence. And has become somewhat of a recluse in katong. Sources say, that photos covertly taken in the Dry corners of the outback of Jai Frolicking in his loinclothes with the Natives of that unnamed section of the desert, were anonymously circulated to Brian Chua Lau Boon Roger, and he was shattered by the implications. Following this Incident, Brian Chua Lau Boon Roger was spotted, at a Gay Party in an Unnamed Trance Club located in an Unnamed Powerstation situated in an Unnamed area next to a Singapore's Largest Shopping Centre to Date.

SPORTS NEWS.
The ancestral battleground of the Jollies, NIE, has been overrun by scoundrals with visa cards, who have bypassed the age old tradition of Tuesday afternoon phonecalls. As such the Jollies have relocated lower down the Rungs of Academia. A Prime not too Premiere Primary has lowered its Gates to Accommodate our Leg Breaking Activities.

On a lighter note, Adin has Finally Lost both the Soles of his Ballet Shoes.

All Chelsea Fans have officially been outlawed. Any mention of Chelsea, Smell of chelsea, or even Girlfriends named Chelsea will no longer be tolerated. In fact, dissidents will be obliterated, annihaleted, Abrogated, eliminated and many other ateds. Clementi Kannan however, has been granted clemency, since, well he lives in Clementi and is to Chelsea as Kevin is to Crystal Palace!

OTHER NEWS
There are 12 bottles Remaining.

The Dancing Diva

Chinese New year at ian's place!!!

All the drunkards drinking in my smelly room....

intoxicating...

Stinks...

Just Jollies...

Nothing more...

Group of Jocks having fun on CNY.... Kannan and Ansel not here.... Alcohol was just spilt on my bed.... more drinks.. drunk pple soon... i have no idea wat i am crapping, but all these has been summarized as of above....

Many Cheers,
Ian

more pics by request

bon voyage mr J!

MOS opening - 28 dec 05 - notice the jealous eyes at the bottom right

zoukout and a jolly december

congrats to sascha baron cohen on a golden globe

a blast from the past. damn i want a celebrity grad speech too

some humour from 06

clearing up the confusion from Sat

Manchester United FC

League

• Premier League (including (Old) First Division)^[9] titles: 15
  • 1907-08, 1910-11, 1951-52, 1955-56, 1956-57, 1964-65, 1966-67, 1992-93, 1993-94, 1995-96, 1996-97, 1998-99, 1999-00, 2000-01, 2002-03
• (Old) Second Division^[10] 2
  • 1936, 1975

Other Cups

• FA Cup 11¹
  • 1909, 1948, 1963, 1977, 1983, 1985, 1990, 1994, 1996, 1999, 2004
• League Cup 2
  • 1992, 2006
• European Cup / UEFA Champions League 2
  • 1968, 1999
• UEFA Cup Winners' Cup 1
  • 1991
• Intercontinental Cup/World Club Championship 1¹
  • 1999
• European Super Cup 1
  • 1991
• FA Charity/Community Shield 15¹
  • 1908, 1911, 1952, 1956, 1957, 1965*, 1967*, 1977*, 1983, 1990*, 1993, 1994, 1996, 1997, 2003 (* joint holders)

Liverpool FC

• League^[21] titles: 18
  • 1900-01, 1905-06, 1921-22, 1922-23, 1946-47, 1963-64, 1965-66, 1972-73, 1975-76, 1976-77, 1978-79, 1979-80, 1981-82, 1982-83, 1983-84, 1985-86, 1987-88, 1989-90

• European Cups and UEFA Champions League^[2] titles: 5
  • 1977 3-1 vs. Borussia Mönchengladbach
  • 1978 1-0 vs. Club Brugge
  • 1981 1-0 vs. Real Madrid
  • 1984 1-1 (4-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AS Roma
  • 2005 3-3 (3-2 in penalty shootout) vs. AC Milan
• UEFA Cups: 3
  • 1973, 1976, 2001
• FA Cups: 7
  • 1965, 1974, 1986, 1989, 1992, 2001, 2006

• League Cups: 7
  • 1981, 1982, 1983, 1984, 1995, 2001, 2003
• Community Shields^[22]: 15
  • 1964 (shared), 1965 (shared), 1966, 1974, 1976, 1977 (shared), 1979, 1980, 1982, 1986 (shared), 1988, 1989, 1990 (shared), 2001, 2006
• UEFA Super Cups: 3
  • 1977, 2001, 2005