tgif! some humour !

singapore pirates!?

the new pirates 3 trailer with chow yun fatt is here!

dancing diva number 2!

Statistical Analysis

The Board will firstly like to thank the Manchester United Fans for their Composure. Secondly, the arsenal fan Hiding behind anonymity; should, maybe, well, just consider, straying from www.jokes.com and, maybe, just read a little about the Club they so Staunchly and vehemently support.

They might find this...


=======================================================
Honours:

First Division and Premier League[49] titles: 13
1930-31, 1932-33, 1933-34, 1934-35, 1937-38, 1947-48, 1952-53, 1970-71, 1988-89, 1990-91, 1997-98, 2001-02, 2003-04 .

FA Cups: 10
1929-30, 1935-36, 1949-50, 1970-71, 1978-79, 1992-93, 1997-98, 2001-02, 2002-03, 2004-05
League Cups: 2
1986-87, 1992-93

Charity Shields and Community Shields[50]: 12
1930, 1931, 1933, 1934, 1938, 1948, 1953, 1991 (shared), 1998, 1999, 2002, 2004

Inter-Cities Fairs Cup: 1
1969-70

European Cup Winners' Cup: 1
1993-94

Arsenal's tally of thirteen League Championships is the third highest in English football, after Liverpool and Manchester United, while the total of ten FA Cups is the second highest, after Manchester United. Arsenal have achieved three League and FA Cup "Doubles" (in 1971, 1998 and 2002), a joint record shared with Manchester United, and were the first side in English football to complete the FA Cup and League Cup double in 1993.

Arsenal have one of the best top-flight records in history, having finished below fourteenth only seven times. Arsenal also have the highest average league finishing position for the period 1900–1999, with an average league placing of 8.5.[51] In addition, they are one of only five clubs to have won the FA Cup twice in succession, in 2002 and 2003.

====================================================

Arsenal, sigh, Third best? after Liverpool and Manchester United? Second highest FA Cups? after Manchester United? Hmmm. OOOps... What do you know, they forgot to put in the Number of Champions League Trophies they won. Must be a small oversight.

Oh wait, How silly of me, They don't have any.

PLAYER PROFILE #2

0 MARTIN ? JONATHAN ? ANDREW ?

AGE : 23

ALIAS : Andriano, Martin

POSITION : anywhere on the left. gk when lazy,69

HEIGHT : 175 (fake)

WEIGHT : 70 (maybe fake)

FAV CLUB N PLAYER : Man Utd / Messi

LEAST FAV CLUB N PLAYER : Chelsea / Drogba

FAVORITE FOOD : Teochew Porridge
FAVORITE DRINK : Absolut Raspberry

ENDORSED BY : Umbro

CAP : 10 years' worth

PERSONAL MOTTO : Rhomba jolly
SPECIALITY : Disturbing people, bionic left foot,

In a nutshell, this player has been to JUFC what Ryan Giggs has been to Man Utd, what Recoba has been for Inter, what Pires has been to Arsenal, what Robben has been to Chelsea, and what Kewell has been to Liverpool. HAHA sorry sorry the last one is a lie Kewell sucks and Liverpool do not have any worthy players comparable to this JUFC legend - flinging flanging his way down the wing with some crazy skillz and mad dashes, topped off with monster shots that has seen holes bashed in both the back of the net as well as the palm trees behind the goal. Poor palm trees.. There is no denying that that bionic left foot of his, coupled with a burst of speed quite like a flash of lightning, or a lighter sparkler, makes for a potent combination. His fitness may be equivalent to that of a two year old’s (as are all of ours), but make no mistake – with his eye for goal and enigmatic presence he certainly lives up to the Andriano tag. There have been occasions in the past when his bionic legs have malfunctioned, but like a true legend and Jolly, Andriano carries on, using his hands to move his legs to play the ball. What a hero, what a character. He has also been known to moonlight as a keeper whenever the calling comes or when the going gets tough. Admirable!

Off the field, Andrew's celebrity status has been heightened with several paparazzi reports of him being spotted at Orchard Towers. He has also been caught in several scandals with unknown individuals. These reports, till today, just like ET, Stonehenge, Roswell, Adin being straight, and cows flying, have been unconfirmed. Anyone with any relevant news regarding this superstar may contact the witness-help hotline and rest assured, you will be placed in the witness protection program. Your safety is our number one concern. Ha.

Andriano is also indispensable to JUFC as he volunteers as the club’s unofficial booker of courts and disturber of drinksellers. Fans wanting to get a glimpse of him should keep a lookout for a flash of limbs down the left flank, occasionally a wispy trail of smoke, and the sight of a ball being volleyed at 90000 km/h into the back of the net. Alternatively, when things get too tiring, look for him keeping goal for the team.

Post Match Day..

The 45th minute, of the 8th hour, of the 3rd day, in the 3rd month, of the 2007th yr of our Lord, brought about one of the most anticipated moments of 2007. The clash of the original titans of the English Game.

In the Satelite homeground of Manchester United in AMK, the atmosphere was charged with monumentally sized KFC and Ice Cold Vodka Shots chased down with popcorn chicken as the two teams gathered at A Field grammatically incongruously named Anfield. The attendence included, well, mostly Man U fans, with one Liverfool, and a stray From the Emirates.

The match begin, rather animatedly, under the proctorship of a rather myopic referee, who’s lack of visual competence has been cited as the reason for several brawls that broke out worldwide. 50/50 tackles, were judged on the scale of 60/40, leaning home.

The match reached its boiling point, and the United Bench was riled by the sending off of Paul scholes. A sacrificial culling of the Stray seemed imminent with each passing moment, as Liverpool Pushed further ahead, and seemed a surety as the Game approached a Draw.

However, in moment of sheer Irish luck, the leprechaun housed in John O’ Shea’s unnaturally large Head, rapped the inside of his thick skull, resulting in a Spectacular Last Gasp winning goal that Saw Man United steal a win from right under Liverpool’s Big Nose.

The referee’s watch then suddenly malfunctioned, and a extra minute was played in extra time, yet still with all the help, Liverpool could not come up with an answer. An Answer that has been evading them at home since 2001.

The exhileration of the United Fans, was explosive to say the least. JUFC then adjourned for a Post midnight soccer 4-a-side, which saw 2 spherical dustbins, metamorphose into polygonic manifestations.

However, in true spirit of Singapore 2010, the match-up was forced into abandonment by the arrival of two rather somnolent officers of the law, who wasted no time in collecting our autographs, and other paraphernalia such as handphone serial numbers, no doubt to sell on Ebay for Exhorbitant amounts of money.

A Startling Revelation

The Following is NOT based on fictional characters or events. They are real events, between real people, who have been portrayed real-ly! It is a direct transcript of a conversation that took place between Kannan and Ganesh on March 1st, 2007 at roughly 8.43pm.

DISCLAIMER

----Please be advised, the following may contain information too graphic for the faint of heart. We at JUFC are not responsible for any riots, beatings, and/or invasions of sovereign nations that may be sparked due to the highly controversial, and emotionally charged admission attached below.---

------------------------------------
Kannan says:
sad dei

Kannan says:
sat dun wanna come already1!!!

Kannan says:
boycott

Prolific says:
u boycott us

Prolific says:
dei

Prolific says:
then u'll kenna one board notice too

Kannan says:
haha

Kannan says:
oh now like that la

Prolific says:
yea lah

Kannan says:
tell u a secret dei

Kannan says:
actually

Kannan says:
i am a man u fan

Kannan says:haha

Prolific says:
sure or not?

Kannan says:
haha

Kannan says:
ya!!!

Prolific says:
STEADY LAH!

Kannan says:
haha

Board Notice.

Dear All,

The First Player Profile has been Released, and already 3 deaths by laughter have been reported. The Board is looking into the matter very seriously. The liability arising from A*din aka Adin aka Adeline aka Alin aka Brian Chua Lau Boon Roger’s erratic behaviour has long been a hot potato in the JUFC boardroom, locker room, and the odd Void deck stone table.

After Much deliberation, The Board has decided to slap adin with a hefty slap, and a one-wank-a-day limit, to hopefully stem his detrimental addiction, which has seen him miss many training sessions. The Board regrets that these drastic steps have to be taken, but unanimously voted that harsh punishments are neccesary to ensure that confused individuals do not ultimately harm; well, themselves.

Also, as an incentive, The Board has agreed to allocate one slap for every update, that can be used by the updater to reprimand and/or break a bottle on A’din’s head should he behave inappropriately; which he inevitably will. These slaps are transferable, and discreetly reusable. To facilitate an accurate count of entries and the allocated slaps, The Board requests that all updaters use the label field to label their entries with their names and/or pseudonyms.

Thank you for taking the time to review this Notice Issued by the Board. A more informal formal Board meeting has been called for this coming Saturday, the 3rd day of the 3rd month of the 2007th year of our Lord, Alahbudajesusamman.

The Board (Members TBC)

PLAYER PROFILE 1

10 TAN Adin

AGE : 23
ALIAS : A*din, alladin, ahdin, adelina, amen,
POSITION : influential attacking midfielder cum ninja
HEIGHT : 183
WEIGHT : sensitive topic
FAV CLUB N PLAYER : Man Utd / Rooney
LEAST FAV CLUB N PLAYER : Chelsea / RM
FAVORITE FOOD : (default) KFC
FAVORITE DRINK : Yakult (default) Vodka
ENDORSED BY : China
CAP : 10 years' worth
PERSONAL MOTTO : Live and let live
SPECIALITY : The 'Aeroplane', aerodynamic running, spinning on the spot with the ball, spinning on the spot without the ball



Adin adin adin, what can be said about him ? Actually, alot.. A true legend of Jollies United Football Club. Widely regarded as one of the most skillful players in the world, Straying from traditional tricks like stepovers, nutmegs and oles, Adin has invented many of his own and has been proudly displaying them over the years. Among them is a fan favorite, a thunderous attempted shot with the legs swung far back and hit with such force and purpose, but making minimal if no contact with the ball, allowing for the expectations of a proper shot to surprise opponents into either a) being utterly confused or b) laughing, and the ball to slowly trickle its way through. His repertoire of tricks in recent years have increased - the fans could not quite believe what they saw late September last year as Adin added another dizzying 540 degrees to his signature move - the 720 degree pirouette !

His feet stomping, hand waving and ninja speed antics have also convinced other clubs of his pedigree, and offers from clubs far and wide have poured in in enquiry of this superstar. However the grounded young man has refused them all, citing 'romantic interests with other players' as his reason for staying on. His reputation as a goalscorer has also been enhanced in the season of last year, with many a match Adin has come up with goals aplenty and the knack of being oblivious to players around him rolling around in laughter and going on to tap the ball in, has served him well. The shift to the new Jollies Stadium at Ang Mo Kio has seen the popularity of Adin waning, and his inability to find another brand sponsor for his boots until he goes to China again means that fans can continue to pick up his shoe peelings and make a fortune selling them off on Ebay.

Much can be said about him, but nothing can truly encapsulate the player and the person better than the word 'huh ?' . With the club's popularity waning due to the loss of their original stadium at NIE, noone is better placed to bring the club back to its dizzying heights better than this master performer, and expect many great performances from him this year.