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Team Talk: 29th June

Hi one all! Fans and members, and Fans who are also members. With the next match Coming up this sunday, its time to awake the Lions within as our resident malingerer YNWA oft serves to remind us when he makes his monthly appearence at the JUFC Training Ground.





Venue: Pei Hwa Sec, 21 Fernvale link.


Warm-up: 8.40am


Kick off: 9am





Bring your boots, extra pair of lungs, and Shin guards. Will be appointing a 100 plus ic closer to the date. Although half of us will be home and the other half will be away, we'll all be wearing our Blue and Yellow JUFC colours. PLEASE GET YELLOW SOCKS! NICKY CAN HELP WITH THOSE, there's a FBT warehouse near his house and he'll be mass buying, those interested pls sms Gazza.





As For the Line-up,




Subs: Gan, A*din, Ambrose

FOOOTBALL TIME!!

Semi-Finalists !

Hi everybody ants here ! yes the news of the day for the day during the day is that JUFC are proud semifinalists of another tournament yet again. naysayers may sayers that there were only 8 teams, that we only played two matches, that the first team were a bunch of noobzors and that being semifinalists in an 8 team tournament isn't much to brag about. i say to the naysayers YOU WAKE UP AT 7.30am LA ! YOU GO SPLASH AROUND IN THE FOUL MUD LA ! YOU SEE KAIYUN'S BARE ASS WHILE STANDING IN THE SCORCHING SUN LA !

so you see, bragging rights to being semi finalists weren't won on the field, it was won... you know... because of the sacrifices we made to get to the field. hahaha..

special mention goes to yanwei, current jufc first choice keeper, possible future china national team first choice keeper... he owned them all with his saves lar, but he also chose the wrong moment to demonstrate his shadowkick hahaha..

sigh. still. we can only imagine what could have happened if adin had converted his goal. the glory, fame, honour that awaited he-who-saved-the-penalty-and-then-go-on-to-convert-the-winning-penalty. alas it was not to be. as we walked to shake the hand of our brave goalkeeper we all felt in our hearts the inexplicable pang of desire. of desire to ask him why his shot was so blah.. for he could have been the hero whose name would be engraved all over the cup, whose surname would be adopted by many illegitimate ones as groupies copulate with him hoping for an offspring half as talented as someone who can save a penalty as well as score one. the messiah who could have delivered us from the illogical delusion of religion, for surely to worship something real is much better than to worship something intangible? the hand of god may have scored one goal in the world cup, but the hand n feet of yanwei could have scored and saved a goal in the kebun baru ang mo kio cup! he could even have been the one who would inspire others to write about him, thus increasing the paltry population of 2 editors on this blog !!!!! sadly it is or was not to be..

ok end of post..

Tournament News: When it matters the Most...

The wee hours of sunday morning saw a new Shade of yellow take to the field. (actually only shade of yellow since the sun was no where to be seen... And also, it wasn't really a field, more like a marshland.) JUFC sent a team for its first intra-con competition. Gazza, Ants, BT, Klementi Kannan, CKY, Andrewano and A*din, donned the Blue and Yellow of JUFC and took to the water logged field in a knock-out tournament.

It is notable to note, that CKY, was firstly inexplicably late, busy fraternising in some ulu longkang near chua chu kang, and ran barefoot around bishan park trying to find andrew to pay for his cab fare. Also, much to the disgust of the JUFC members, he had apparently forgotten to wear his key undergarment, and flashed the unsuspecting public with his butt cheeks, and untamed shortgun(pronounced *shot-gun). 3 old ladys were found dead in the shrubbery behind the bench where CKY commited this act. On questioning, CKY claimed to have forgotten to wear said undergarment, but the keen intellect of the assembled JUFC members noted he remembered to wear a nice long sleeve shirt out.

The first match saw our star Klementi kannan, paving the way to the semi finals, with dribbles, jiggles and wiggles. Scoring a deplorable hat-trick against a team of runts ineptly named The Kings. A resounding performance, that saw A*din rack up a typical 0% contact of ball.

The semi-final was hard fought however. Although JUFC was dominant, Klementi kannan with some goal breaking shots, Gazza with mud-slinging tackles, and BT going under-water a few times, the pitch took its toll on the team. It happily Devoured CKY's boots, and Embedded Ants and the ball in the sloshy mud, and overall offered a bathe to all members on the field. The match ended in a stale mate, and went to penalties.

The Man of the Hour, Klementi Kannan, strode confidently to fire home the first penalty. But Alas, the goal was covered by a Sumo wrestler, and Klementi Kannan, blasted the ball into the atmosphere. Rumour has it a deejay who kept repeating his lines in the crowd behind suffered a concussion at approximately the same time. And the Just like Baggio in the '94 World Cup, Klementi Kannan's glorious contribution, was belittled.

***sources say that due to insurmountable grief, Klementi kannan, has become a dejected drunk, and was spotted entering a plastic surgery clinic, presumably to remove the 6th toe that has served him so well over the years. The accuracy of the source is sort-of accurate somewhat. **

However, A*din, dug deep in that unnamed place once again, to produce an astonishing save, and kept JUFC in the running. Gazza was also foiled by the sumo wrestler, before CKY slotted home, and BT did what he did best, with a thunderous lightning shot, that tore a hole thru the net of the goal post.

A*din once again, conjured another magical save in sudden death, and stepped up gloves and all, to take the deciding penalty to send the team into the final. But as the shot trickled to sumo wrestler, it became apparent that we should have slept the rainy morning away.

So in typical Jolly fashion, the players packed up, ate a ton of Cocaine wings, and knocked 6 bottles of beer off the wall, to celebrate their second semi final exit on penalties, in as many tournaments. Cheers to all!

Best News of the Day!

Richardson departs Old Trafford for Sunderland

England midfielder Kieran Richardson has completed his move from Manchester United to Sunderland for an undisclosed fee. The 22-year-old signed a four-year deal with the Wearsiders after successfully coming through a medical this morning.He could now make his Black Cats debut in Wednesday's friendly with Darlington.

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J.U.F.C. Would like to breathe a HUGE sigh of relief, and thank the United Gaffer for finally giving that useless goal-stealing-yellow-card-collecting turd the boot. That leaves O'Shits, we shall continue to keep our fingers crossed!

Delayed Update

Updates have been loooong delayed. So firstly, lets kick off with our FIRST kick off.

JUFC's first organised friendly ended in a Goal-less draw. Definitely could have been better. Dominated much of the game. SOlid defensive performance in the first half. JUFC was thrown into a mild crisis, as our keeper suddenly, injured his hand in the warm up.

But our resident Superstar, A*Din, stepped up to the plate, to don the Keepers colours. Scared the shit out of all the players, totally missing MANY/ALL of the shots, that were aimed at him in the warm-up. However, after a few shakey opening minutes, the back four comprising of Andrewano, Justin, Gopal and Gazza, started to collect the loose balls, and shut out the attacks of the opposition.

This made our A*din, very bored, so he started to do funny things like putting the ball on the ground and running away, and throwing it aimlessly, and scaring gazza into some frantic running.

In the 2nd half our midfield maestros, crafted several oppurtunities, one ending notably with Ants hitting the upright. Our Clementi Kannan, shone proudly in his Manchester United colours, with some laser passes, and thunderous shots, while JUFC's homegrown winger, Ants terrorised the right flank with his blinding pace.

JUFC missed several chances, and would have even gone behind, when the opposition got their only shot on target. But A*din, dug deeeep deeep inside his ______(the editor doesn't know what). And, came up with a spectacular reflex save to keep the scoreline level.

Overall, a Jolly good Performance from the Jollies. A collection of criticisms:

1. Run towards the ball. (Stikers and all who run into the Penalty box)
2. Cut Down on dribbling.
3. Don't commit too fast into tackles.
4. PLAY TO YOUR POSITIONS!
5. Open up abit more, Not our usual street soccer style.
6. SMASH ALL THE PEOPLE UP!

All comments, to improve our game is welcome.
Next match is on 30 June, at 9am. Venue TBC.
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Team Talk

Good Day folks. Sunday is our debut match, and despite our emphatic win last sunday, The Board feels that we should keep our focus and register another victory under our banner before we bust out any champagne.



*Please note however, that the board feels its ok to bust out some JD on friday night.



The match will be played in the Tanglin field (directions to follow). All Players are to wear a White T-Shirt/Jersey. Bring your Boots, (Adin Don't spoil your new boots before then), Shin guards are also highly recommended, as you can tell from some crunching tackles from last week's match. The Match will have rolling subs, so players can go out and come back in! (Thank God)



The Players Drafted/Formation is as follows,









Subs:

Nick
Ambrose
Ong
Chan
Gan
Gerard (Hopefully)
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Friendly Match Report

Final Score -About 5 or 6 -1

MOM (Mask of Madness) - Chester Rowe Tan Yanwei ! He smashed all the people up and scored two goals in his spiffing new Ronaldinho boots

Match Report

Jollies made an encouraging start when Chester Rowe!'s SuperPippo like front running yielded two fantastically taken goals with assists from Ants, who was supremely impressed with Chester's ownage performance leading the frontline. Chester chased down every ball relentless as a blood hound and more than once the flashes of ninja-running style acceleration was glimpsed by members of the press. Still very very, very very fun to watch..haha. To be fair the other team paid very little attention to their defence and their passing was good, at first. Until our defence imposed themselves on the game with Nick Ambrose Ganesh and Andriano smashing all the people up at the back and Chan trying to see if he could kick the ball to the temple up that hill playing the funny music. Our defence was impregnable....the opposition couldn't impregnate our goal no matter how hard they tried. HAHAHAHAHAHA. BT then scored the third and along with it Chester's chance for a hat trick. Still our defence put in a monster performance defending (at tower) and taking no chances, Nick especially spidery and commanding at the back.


Half time came and went and Ants switched over to the left to forge a new partnership with Andriano. Capsize time ! was the codeword for the play of the day by the two left sided players, and though it was never used, rest assured one day it will be. Noone knows what I'm talking about right ? Nvm, me and Andriano were not sure too. The second half continued with more thrills and spills. Ongster's performance up front was awesome with some magic runs stopped by bone chilling tackles. I donno who else scored, and I guess I could write my own version of history and say Chester went on to get his hat trick. I could but I won't ! Chester missed about 5 open chances including one that I burst my lung to run and cross but that bird sent a flying header nowhere near the goal...sibeh sian.. All in all the ownage hero of the day was Adin with a killing spree of 2 goals and an added move speed of +100 with his new boots. Let's hope for JUFC's sake that the new boots last longer than his China endorsed shoes *cough* flip flops *coughs* peeling piece of crap *cough*

In summary, I still play too much dota but at least I've got a job !! And to use the exact words of Ambrose, "this calls for a toast." Ambrose say one.. so tonight anyone on for a toast ??

next destination: bali?!

Bali!

Who's on for end July/ early August?!

Training Update

Training session report - Sunday May 20th Bishan Park Somewhere

Player performances appraisal (some)

Ambrose (9) - A commanding performance from the commando. He completely owned Adin when as last man he let a ball slip through his legs and through to Adin. Clear on goal about a metre out, Adin casually walked the ball in its inevitable path towards our spanking new goalposts when Ambrose crept up from behind and OWNED Adin with a tackle barely millimetres away from the goal line to deny the striker his undeserved goal. Determination 1 Complacency 0. He also kneed me in the left thigh really really really hard..koopeng..

Ganesh (9) - Bruising fiery performance from the chief decoy in Barca colours. Roy Keane like tackles and fiery flying flicks and flacks. Almost scored the goal of the season with a diving header that almost hit the crossbar. Top marks for setting up the goalposts aided by two able assistants Gan and Ants. For goalpost-erection services enquire by email. Almost took off my legs with some monster clearances. Ownage hero.

Adin (10) - Returning back from his native land did him a world of good. Showed his versatility, and maybe too much of it when he excelled in his keeper position, even more so than as a striker. Highlights included a stunning double triple or quadruple save early on in the session. Was unbeatable in goal and also owned the game when he came out. Still, he may have found his true calling as an inundefatistoppfeatigable player. It's a word look it up in the dictionary it will say "Adin"

Justin(9) - A late gamer having spent the earlier part of the session goal tending he was all over the pitch owning people left right and centre. Ownage hero..

THE REST(9) - Everyone owned the game. I play too much dota and I need to find a job soon.

Next week..same time same place!